Our relationships are shaped by the many things that surround us. There’s a lot we learn about it from our parents, grandparents and adults in general. Books and movies also play a vital role in elevating our expectations in a relationship. Many a times, in our attempt to build a strong and a perfect relationship, we tend to do things that we think will help, only to realize later, how it was all just false and wrong. There are many kinds of unhealthy relationships and in order to identify the toxic relationship that has affected you.
Sharing everything with your partner: There’s a lot of things you can’t avoid discussing with your partner, but sharing everything with them is not always possible and neither is it advisable. When we are in a relationship, we seldom forget that there are certain things that define us and our own sense of ‘self’, which surely can be kept exclusive. This does not mean you should lie to your partner or avoid the truth. It just means that you need to maintain your individuality and shouldn’t feel obligated to tell your partner everything.
You have to compromise: ‘One must learn to compromise in a relationship’ is what many people believe in, which is of course totally absurd. Disagreements are a part of any relationship, but compromising is not the way one should deal with them. Voicing your opinion and views are crucial in a relationship. If you succumb to compromises and negotiations, your relationship is anyways over.
Your partner is your priority: Being in a relationship surely means taking your partners feelings into account and making them feel special. But that does not mean you forget yourself in the process. While love is one of the most important things in life, your first love and priority should always be you. You don’t have to be selfish or egocentric, but you must learn to put yourself first before everything. If you continue prioritizing your partner, someday you might feel neglected and disappointed.
Being in a relationship will make you happy: Never let your relationship define your happiness. While it can be one of the reasons, it should not be the only reason for your happiness. People who enter into a relationship with the belief that they will now be complete and happy because of their relationship are the ones who are most disappointed and hurt when the relationship is over.
Give everything, expect nothing: Relationships are all about give and take, and even if you consider yourself a “giving” person, don’t let yourself turn into a person who is only giving and getting nothing. It is wonderful to give your all to your partner, but a healthy relationship is the one where you partner also provides you with the love and support.
Couples shouldn’t fight: You can never escape a fight or a quarrel in a relationship. If you think that being in a healthy, happy relationship means you and your partner should never fight, then you are surely living in a bubble. The question here is not why couples should fight. The real question is how they should fight. While disagreements are meant to happen, one should know the difference between a healthy and a toxic fight.
Jealousy means they love you: To keep it simple, jealousy can never be an equivalent to love. If one is jealous, the relationship is already toxic. Jealousy is a sign of insecurity and you never know how bad it can get with time. In the beginning you might have felt it was cute but it’s time to wake up and get real.