In the current world, many people feel a relationship isn’t real unless they post every moment of an incident on Social Media. After all, your followers need to see your ‘perfect person’, along with every romantic milestone, anniversary caption, and romantic getaway update. But studies reveal something different. Couples who are truly happy in real life often post less about their relationship online.
They don’t feel the need to prove anything or share every detail. Instead, they focus on enjoying time together without thinking about likes and comments. Interestingly, couples who keep more of their love life private often feel closer, communicate better, and have stronger relationships. For them, the best moments are the ones no one else sees.
Ravi Mittal, founder and CEO of QuackQuack, a dating app, says that some couples, often the ones in a happy relationship, end up posting less on social media simply because they are too caught up enjoying real-life moments to pause for social media. He adds that two out of ten happy couples are seen keeping their relationship private because they fear they’ll jinx it or someone will make an unsolicited comment that leads to an otherwise avoidable crack.
Dr Sumalatha Vasudeva, psychologist, Gleneagles BGS Hospital, Bengaluru, goes on to add that couples who don’t post a lot on social media are under less stress. As they don’t bother about external validation, they focus more on nurturing their relationship and their bond privately.
She states that people who post less online tend to be calmer and more at peace. Further, sharing her experience, Priyanka Kapoor, a Mumbai-based couple and family counsellor, psychotherapist, and psychologist, says, “Happy couples are very engrossed in enjoying the moments together and not in showing to the public about their achievements.”
Sharing intimate details on social media is linked to relationship satisfaction. Mumbai-based relationship expert and author Shahzeen Shivdasani explains that when you overshare, it can blur boundaries, invite outside opinions, and lead to a lot of comparisons — all of which can reduce the satisfaction of your relationship. She adds that private moments often tend to stay more genuine if you keep them private.
Relationships are like puzzles, so when the pieces don’t fit in well, you try to cover them up. Insecurity can increase the need to post a ‘happy couple’ selfie and expect external validation to reduce the nagging feeling that something is not right in the relationship. It is more like, ‘If the world says we are perfect, who cares what my gut thinks?’.
Dr Aarti Anand, senior consultant psychologist, Sir Gangaram Hospital, New Delhi, explains that people with low self-esteem or problems in their relationships may use social media as a tool for external validation. Some of them may lead others to think how cool their relationship is, but in fact, it is the opposite. This pressure to maintain a perfect relationship can lead to more anxiety and deterioration in the relationship.
The external validation helps the person to tell themselves that the relationship is okay, while there will be problems brewing in their intimate relationship. Meanwhile, according to Dr Vasudeva, keeping your love life off social media can benefit your mental health.
With less need for external validation, anxiety levels drop, and you’re less likely to feel jealous or pressured to maintain a perfect online image. Occasional posts can also be healthy when both partners enjoy sharing updates without pressure as a way to celebrate or connect. The key is having mutual boundaries.
